The Earth Is Fine You're The Problem Tee from Unethical Threads is a heavyweight cotton graphic tee for anyone who's done pretending the planet's biggest issue isn't us. Unisex fit, DTG printed, and blunt enough to save you the trouble of explaining your worldview at the cookout.
A back print that lets everyone behind you know you take your baking (and your innuendos) seriously. Dad humor with just enough plausible deniability to wear around the in-laws. Skip it for anyone who needs the joke explained.
Heavyweight cotton, DTG-printed, and way funnier than whatever excuse you were going to use. It's heavyweight cotton with a broken-in feel. Not stiff, not flimsy. The kind of shirt you grab first out of the drawer.
The I'm Not A Cactus Expert But I Know A Prick When I See One Tee is Unethical Threads at peak passive-aggressive. Heavyweight cotton that feels substantial, not like a tissue paper situation. The design is printed on the back.
Wear it, own it, watch the room split. It looks good there, honestly. They will not forget this one. Crew neck, classic cut. People who peak at barbecues and in group chats. The friend everyone's a little nervous to introduce to new people.
No guessing sizes (S-4XL, relaxed fit). No wondering if they'll get it. They'll get it. They probably already live it. The Im Not Saying Im An Alcoholic But My Blood Type Is Margar-Ita Positive shirt says what your friends already know, printed on heavyweight cotton that holds up better than your liver will.
It says the quiet part out loud on heavyweight black cotton. You already know if this is for you. Cinco de Mayo parties have never been about historical accuracy, and this tee leans all the way into that.
People who made tequila a personality trait and stopped apologizing for it. Crew neck, because even tequila people have standards. Pair it with an actual bottle if you're feeling generous. Not even close.
The Ankle Monitors Are Sexy Tee is a backprint graphic tee from Unethical Threads for people who think the justice system's hottest accessory goes on your ankle. The design sits on the back of the shirt, so everyone behind you knows exactly where you stand on court-ordered jewelry.
You showed up to the Cinco de Mayo party. This shirt is just putting that energy into words. The joke is on you, the wearer. That's not punching down. People respect the honesty. Is this a good Cinco de Mayo gift?.
